Christmas 2011

Another Christmas behind us, Ladies. Time is flying by and in a short week it will be 2012. I wonder what it will hold for us. I am happy to be finished with this year, a year of change and heartache and fear. Each January 1 brings hope for peace, prosperity and good health, travel, excitement and contentment. My sister was born on Jan. 1, 1951. I always thought that was such a cool birthday to have, of course you have to consider that it is so close to Christmas the gifts might be a little lacking. For a few years, Mom and Dad gave her gifts on my birthday, June 25, exactly 6 months from Christmas. And I would get something on Jan. 1 also. Usually pajamas as I remember.  As a kid, I loved New Years and made long lists of resolutions; to read all the books in our library, to get all As in school, to become a nun, to become Catholic so I could become a nun ( this was either the year I read A Nun's Story or the year Mom told us she should have become a nun), to become a better daughter (you know when this was). As I grew older, my lists got shorter and more centered on losing weight, growing my hair long, getting contacts to replace the glasses I'd worn since I was 7. I still am a list maker, just not New Years resolutions so much. No, my lists now say, " Dr. appt. Wednesday, treatment 9:00 Monday, stop for gas, pick up prescriptions, get chicken soup and 7-Up."  The day-to-day simple things take priority over long term goals now.    
All through Stephen King's illness I have felt distanced, as if I am watching from somewhere else. Christmas has been this way for me too. Last night, Christmas Eve, we were at our niece's home with all my side of our family. I knew Steve wouldn't feel up to staying too long, but I wanted to visit with everyone for a few minutes. Yet instead of traveling the room speaking with each of them, I sat beside my husband and watched. I watched the ladies gather around the baby, cooing and kissing his sweet fat cheeks, watched the cousins laugh and tease each other as if they were small kids again instead of grown adults. Watched as the grandchildren thanked my Mom for her gift to them, some hugging her frail shoulders, others kissing her wrinkled cheek. I watched as each of them spoke to Steve, shocked by his weight loss, by the quiet voice, by the shaky hands. And I couldn't feel a part of it, not really, I was behind my wall. This afternoon our kids came for Christmas. We did a simple homemade soup and sandwich affair for the first time ever. Steve cannot tolerate big meals after treatment so we will hold off til New Years for our big dinner.  Our little ones were too excited to eat much, Caleb even helped clear the table to hurry the process. For an hour the paper and ribbons flew, ohhs and ahhhs accompanied each gift making its appearance. A Lego watch was Gavin's "best gift ever" and the snowboots were Cabe's. Maddie was shocked by the box of BBs then thrilled with the Pink Daisy rifle! The big girls loved the new handbags and IU sweats. The Christmas stockings were, as always, the treat of the evening, filled with wacky treasures and silly tokens. The sons and wives approved of their presents, though neither pair of boots fit our bigfoots. Nina giggled over her "philosophy" skin products and Shawn squealed with joy at her Kuerig coffee thingy. Stephen King proudly showed me the hatchet our son had crafted and the UnderArmor jacket, " just like the boys have". 
 And I loved it all, I was happy with the day and my own gifts, but I didn't feel here. I grabbed the little ones a million times holding them close to hear their heart beats, to feel their soft skin, just to prove I was here.  My coping skill seems to be working too well.
I hope each of you had a joyous Christmas and that you all enjoy each second of your break. Love you all.

Oh My Goodness

Courtney left last Friday, traveling back to her life in Oz. We want her to go. We want her to stay. She has been a blessing these 5 weeks, standing beside us through it all. But she has her life with Ken in Australia and just as our boys cannot leave their jobs and hold our hands, neither can Court leave her home. We are proud of our children and their compassion, faithfulness and generousity. Knowing this about your offspring makes a parent happy.
Mackenzie will receive her mother's kidney after the first of the year. Shawn is a near perfect match for Mack. Her long trial will soon be over. We can't wait for her to feel better, feel normal, feel healthy. She is even looking into colleges that require a move from home. Mack has always been a homebody, wanting family around her even on vacations. The idea of leaving home for school would send her into panic mode. She is a complex young woman, so intelligent, easy going on the surface but panicky underneath, and faithful to a Lord she loves. Since they have found that Shawn is a match and the transplant will be done, Mack has shown an unusual rebellion toward her meds and treatments. For 8 years she has been responsible for keeping up with all her meds and diet and now that it is almost over she forgets to take them or doesn't do her breathing treatment. "Screw it", she said tonight to her Mom's inquiry. What is she thinking?? Actually, it is good to see some normal teenage rebellion in our near perfect girl.
Stephen King is having a good weekend after a sickly week with bronchitis. He got up and out early this morning just like the old Saturday routine; off to visit a sister or two, a son or two. Taking Caleb down to farm to meet Pete, our new Great Pyrenes puppy. He is for the sheep, a guard against coyotes and Big Foot. Yes Ladies, the big guy has been spotted in Paoli. There is an expert from Missouri investigating the area as I write this. Front page news in the local paper, so much more interesting than the five drug busts last week. Love, love, love our home town.
Treatment 3 comes on Wednesday. We are praying it is without lingering effects for Christmas activities. He isn't much of a Christmas fan to begin with and we aren't ready for Papaw on steroids for the Holidays. The Grinch lives in his heart, well, not just his, his 5 sisters don't care for it either. I have been puzzling this for 45 years and still have no answer. They all attest to wonderful Christmas times as children. They just don't get it as adults, I suppose. Stephen King has learned I will not be influenced by his scrooginess. I love Christmas, the story of our Savior's birth and the commercial side, too. I hate shopping but like to buy gifts. (I know). I love finding just the right gift for everyone on my list. This year is somewhat different; gifts are here, but tree isn't decorated yet and only partially finished with wrapping. But I have sugar cookies cooling, waiting to be iced and hot cinnamon candy waiting to be cracked into pieces. A few Santas from my large collection are on display and a red Scentsy light in the kitchen. Not a total wash out, but a little cheer. I'm looking forward to hearing our daughter-in-law sing "Mary, Did You Know" on Christmas morning, voice like a bell. Makes my eyes tear up and my heart swell.
Mom has been released from care by the orthopedic doc and the physical therapist, she is just having difficulty remembering that she can use her arm now. Deb has taken care of her Christmas cookies and fudge. Mom insists she has to have them for Christmas Eve with the family. Once again we will all gather at our niece Stori's for our celebration. The King's missed it last year since Mack and Maddie were in Riley, so we are really excited about it. Stori and Jamey have 5 kiddos, 3 natural and 2 adopted. The boys Ian 2 and Chad 4 are from the Congo and are so beautiful. Liv, Parker and baby Owen are the the other beautifuls. Liv is the oldest and only girl, which she loves, Parker is 10 and is the smartest kid I know. He has the mind of a scientist and the curiosity of a boy, a regular Indian Jones, I say. Owen is just 6 months old, he was a surprise baby. They were considering adopting from the Congo again when Owen showed up. Sweetest, happiest gift from God. I love our family Christmas Eve, so many memories shared here and so many little guys I don't get to see as often as I'd like. Jamey and Stori bless us with their open home.
I have pink eye this morning, an unexpected gift from some unknown benefactor. Antibiotic drops will have me seeing by midweek, I hope, there is alot more to do round here than wear sunglasses and spray Lysol. Life is a party here in the Valley. Take care, Ladies. talk to me.

BLESSED

We have seemimgly been blessed, Stephen King has had very few side effects to his first chemo treatment. Some indigestion and jittery voice appear to be it. His session lasted 7 hours yesterday and will be repeated every 3 weeks for 6 treatments, so he is in for a long haul this winter. Actually we both were surprised at the ease we felt at the cancer center. The staff is wonderfully supportive without smothering the patients. The other patients are kind, respectful and quiet. Steve read alot, but couldn't nap because of the massive amount of steroids he had been given prior to treatment and the near constant need to empty his bladder! All that fluid has to be released. He was jittery and almost giggly from the steroids, which I quite enjoyed watching. Usually he isn't a giggly man!
It is now Friday morning and all is well. the only side effect is the jittery voice and a tendency to rattle on about anything. And everything. Courtney and I have been entertained by this especially during the evening. Stephen King does a running commentary on all the TV shows. He is a faithful Jon Stewart fan and apparently the steroids have increased his love for him. I cannot decide which is funnier; Jon talking about politics or Stephen King loudly and RAPIDLY repeating Jon talking about politics. Totally sarcasm squared!
We are maintaining the status quo here in the Valley, living as near a normal life as we can. Except I am more conscious of each day, each sunrise and sunset than I've ever been. We have been blessed by this and by each other and we really, really know it.
Thanks for all your loving support, Gaggle. Talk to me, Girls. I love you all.

THE BEST LAID PLANS.....

Hello all,
      Just when you think you have a plan... you get a wake up call from the Man in charge. Stephen King and I planned our lives long ago: I'd stay home raise the kids, keep house while he made the living. Then I'd finish school, have a career and he would retire early. About that time, his company restructured and he lost his job, just before retirement. God laughed. But He saw us thru it and Steve found a less stressful job for a few years. Then retired. If anyone ever enjoyed retirement it is Stephen King. After 40 + years of days starting at 4:00 AM and ending after dark, he was free to do what he wanted. He became my "house bitch". Our joke. He made beds, washed dishes and shopped. I found this wonderful. Grocery shopping is my most dreaded chore. Ok, back to the Plan. After a rough year we decided I would retire, too. God starts grinning here, the state decided I had worked 30 days too little to get my pension. OK, we can live without it. We decide to travel. Stephen King begins to complain about his aching back. Pulled muscle? Docs agree. Chiropractor declares 6 weeks of adjustments are called for. Maybe not the answer. Doc wants tests, xrays, bone scans, lab work, catscans. God cries alittle here, I think...Lung cancer that has spread to the bones. Spine, hip, femur, breast bone and collar bone. We wait while the biopsy is being examined, and wait, and wait. Of course, I have to do some research. Never do research. There is NOTHING good about this. But God has smiled at us again, the cancer is adencarcinoma, a common type usually treatable with good results. No cure, but time. Chemo therapy begins next week and Stephen King has decided he will breeze thru it and carry on with his plans. I cannot take that optimistism away from him by repeating horror stories of chemo I have always heard. Attitude and faith will see us thru this. We will lean on each other as always. Throughout our 45 years together, it has been us against the world. From two kids falling in love against everyone's advice to retired geezers having God laugh at our plans, we are together, hand in hand. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, we learned this so many lessons ago. We are still here. And God is still smiling at us.
      Stephen King wants us to keep our life normal, no moping around, no hidden tears, no whispered secrets. And so we are. I had dinner last night at the Winery with my Spring Break girls and he took a long walk with Hank the dog and Ian the 3rd son. We both had a wonderful time. The boys and their families were here tonight Trick or Treating and having soup and cupcakes. When Courtney gets here on Monday, we will do the same things we always do when she visits. The treatments will just be worked in around our planned activities. Sunday we will have our big party for Stephen King and Trent, who missed being born on his dad's birthday by 4 hours. Christmas shopping, Thanksgiving, staying with my mom will all go on as usual. He is cllingthe shots and we will go along as long as we must.
     As for me, I'm still numb. My friend who saw her son thru lynmphoma, tells me to stay numb. I know I should be experiencing something else, something profound, painful, scary. But not yet. I check every morning, asking myself, "Is it here yet? That overwhelming feeling of helplessness". But it isn't. I know it will come. I know it has to come. But not now, God must not be ready for it yet. I know I'm not.
      Talk to me, Ladies. Love, Hedy

Hello Ladies,
         
    I have always been a realist, perferring to know the facts and deal with any issue head on. But we received some news yeterday that has shaken us into wanting to hide from the truth. Stephen King's backaches are not from a pulled muscle afterall, he has bone cancer coming from lung cancer. Makes me want to crawl in a hole and cover my head, but that isn't going to happen here! We will follow the doctors' lead and fight this. It isn't curable, but they will treat it to stop progression and pain. Steve's general good health and strong body will help him fight this, as will his attitude. If ever anyone had an attitude...it is the Kings!

His take on this is that it sucks. But we have handled lots of things in our 45 years together; massive head injuries from a work accident, bone tumors, house fires, lupus, drug addicted kid, critically ill grandchildren, death of parents. Ahhh the list goes on, each seemed insurmountable in its time, but we made it successfully through each of them. This may have a different outcome, but we will deal with it in our usual way, day by day, step by step, head on. Reality sucks but it has to be dealt with, it doesn't go away. Steve said yesterday, "Another test. As long as it is strength, not smarts, I'm OK". Always has a smart remark, he has.

Please, send up your prayers, good thoughts, or positive vibes, whatever is your belief, for us. We will need support from all our friends with this one. Talk to me. Love

AUTUMN COLOR

Good Sunday morning to you all,
        It is a lovely fall weekend in the Valley, we had a big frost last night. I'm glad that I haven't had flowers on my porches this summer to be bitten. Trent took mine to their house when we were in Florida and I never brought them back here. Nina has coaxed them into beautiful blooms all summer and they are still going strong. With my time being spent at Mom's, I would have neglected the flowers and they woud have been long gone by now. I'll bring the ferns home for my parlor soon and hope they will winter well. I may pick up a mum or two today just to brighten up the porch.
        My family continues to care for our mother around the clock, she is much improved, but living alone is not a possibilty yet. Nor may it be in the future. The physical injury has exaggerated the Alzheimers' symptoms and the fear of another fall keeps us close to her side. My sister, brothers, and sisters-in-law share the responsibility of staying with Mom, rotating every 24 hours. The boys are only available on weekends, but are right there when they can be. We all are very close to Mom, each in our own way; I'm the oldest and have a bond with her, Deb has been able to spend time over the years helping Mom with cleaning and Christmas shopping and day to day life, Mike is the first boy and the Golden Child, we all say, and Rob is Mom's baby boy.  He came as a surprise to her and Dad when the rest of us were teenagers. And he has always been a blessing, keeping them young, they always said.  We all know this may be a long journey for our family and are willing to continue as long as it takes. Thankful we have each other to help us stay strong.
        The transplant process is slowly continuing for Mackenzie. This week brought another Riley visit and a ton of lab work. When this is analyzed, they will test her parents for a donor match. We feel it is taking too long, but know this team is the best in the nation for pediatric transplants and will trust their judgement. It is rather like sitting on a skillet which grows hotter and hotter each day, and not being able to jump off. Mack has been feeling unwell for the last few weeks, but is at school each day, working on her school yearbook, keeping her grades up inspite of it all. We went to Bloomington yesterday afternoon to get some outfits for Senior pictures. She had taken her SATS that morning and had a ton of nervous energy to work off, by 6:00pm she was zonked out in the backseat. No late Saturday nights for her until after the trnsplant. A transplant is going to give her more than just  healthy kidney, it will give Mackenzie a normal teenage life. She has been ill since she was 9 and doesn't know normal life or feeling good. I cannot wait for her to experience life at full power. She is such a sweet girl, trusting in her parents, her doctors and her God to keep her safe.
       Courtney will be here for the month of November. We are counting the days. She has had strep and even had a doctor make a house call! I was surprised to hear that in Australia it is not unusual to have a heatlh insurance policy which provides a doc come round whenever one is too ill to get out. Their doctor has recently relocated across the city and they decided to use this service. She was quite impressed by the lady who showed up after Ken's call. Competent and professional and reassuring that her high fever and earache were something treatable and not the plague Court felt it to be! 
         I cannot believe it is already Thursday again, where are we rushing to these days? I expected retirement to be a slowed down version of life, but amazingly it moves even faster than the world of work. I attempt to enjoy quiet moments each day and not just live for weekends, however, some days are gone before I know it. I have been home alone for a few hours this morning and have truly enjoyed the action of stripping beds, sweeping floors and pressing clothing. It feels so normal but it has been weeks since I have done these chores at one time. Usually it is a bit of laundry here, a run through with the vac there and finger pressing the wrinkles from my tops and shaking out my jeans! :-). I plan to take Mom to see The Help this evening, she read the book earlier, but has forgotten most of it. I'm excited for her to see the film, she enjoys movies. At least movies on Lifetime, which don't require much attention. My oh my that network tries my patience with its made for TV nonsense. Our lives are challenging, but imagine how one would survive some of those ridiculous situations on there!
         I bought a bright yellow mum for my porch as we came home from Indy on Tuesday. It looks so nice and cheerful in the big green pot Shawn gave me for my birthday. A point of light in an otherwise drab porch. I got Shawn and Mom a couple of them for their porches too. We all need some color to perk us up and I love fresh flowers. Maybe I'll be a florist when I grow up! Spreading the joy one plant at a time.
        Stephen King has suffered back pain all summer and it continues to nag him, but he is going to put a new roof on the house this month with the help of the boys. I'm so excited to see that happen, the old green shingle roof is tired and dirty. A clay colored metal roof will up the cheerful vibe around this homestead. I plan to paint the garage and garden shed next spring and put one of those barn quilts on the garage. Our little place is nestled into a hillside and it will be sweet to fancy it up abit. The house is a cosy place inside and these changes will help the outside feel cosy too. Love fluffing up the home place!
        The Fall Gagglefest is set for Janelle's on Oct. 21 and I cannot wait to see everyone and catch up with all of my girlies. This is a special group for me, most of my friends have been local and usually family connected until the Gaggle. Never have I meet a stronger group of ladies. All of them work full time as wonderful counselors or teachers and still take care of their families without missing a beat. Each faces her own struggle but is always quick to respond to a friend in need. Old Mothergoose is blessed to be part of this gang.
         Now I really have to shower and get to Mom's. My sister-in-law has had all the fun she needs in the last 24 hours and I get my turn. How blessed we are to have such loving girls in our brothers' wives.  Carol and Donna are more than in-laws, they are daughters to Mom. And we all love them for it.
        Enjoy this wonderful weather, everyone. Talk to me.

9-11 Ten Year Anniversary has past without another attack on our country, but each time we hear that date we relive the horror and the fear of that day. Time cannot bring back those who lost their lives, nor can time remove the horror our country witnessed. I believe 9-11 was the day US citizens realised we were living a dream. We have unconsciously (maybe) assumed nothing bad could happen to our nation. Maybe individuals could suffer or be brought down, but our nation was invincible. The USA was above the rest, untouchable, teflon, now we have to realise we are vulnerable. A difficult lesson.
9-20-11. I cannot believe I didn't post that. My days seem to be running together without pause. Mom continues to need care. Her arm is progressing nicely, but she still cannot care for herself. At times it becomes too emotional to handle and I break a little. A few tears, lots of sighs then back to action. I miss my mom. She comes and goes, but is never totally herself. We never lose the need to be mothered, but now the roles are reversed.  I know so many of us will experience a parent with dementia issues, but until you do it is impossible to imagine the emotions involved. Helplessness is enormous, sadness, but tempered with the joy of being allowed to give care to someone who cared for you.
We had a King reunion this weekend. It was great to visit with cousins we hadn't seen in years. Kids I remember as pre-teens, suddenly have children of their own...in high school! How times flies. Fun to see similarities between the children of first cousins who do not remember each other. Even names are shared in some cases, Kenzie King is a 17 year old senior and a 2 year old toddler. Both with sweet, round faces and spunky attitudes. Seeing a 16 year old Marnie play croquette with two year old Ada brings back memories of their mothers, Tonya and Carla, playing volleyball as little girls.  
More later, Ladies. I'm running late. Talk to me. ps Elaine, it was terrific to hear from you. I miss you so much. Love