Tuesday, April 15, 2014

April- my first month in OZ

G'day Ladies!
I'm having a nice visit with Courtney and Ken in their Australian home. Lowood is a small rural town outside of Brisbane, where they formally lived. Their new home is in an estate, think housing development, with many, many nice brick and stucco homes. Paved driveways, tile roof and privacy fences. Sort of suburbs down under. Very nice, rather quiet except this week with the college kids on break.
The towns are rather like little villages with a grocery, a butcher and a bakery in each one. Along with a pleasant little park in town center for the kiddos .  I enjoy the bakery/coffee shop in Fernvale abit too much, as I need to stop in for a cup and an eclair frequently. Yum. The Valley needs a bakery like this one. Lovely treats, sandwiches, fruit pies, meat pies and enough tea to re float our casino!  I love our Mickie's Deli but this place has sweet tables under giant shade trees and seating inside as well. Life here is similar to ours, just upside down. The sky here is enormous and so blue if appears painted by a master. Everything is blooming in bold, hot colors and birds are everywhere. No kangaroos or koalas have been sited yet but a large flock of white parrots settled in a neighboring treetop as we had lunch last week. So pretty.
We have had Ken's Grandkids a few days, it's a hoot to hear proper Aussie speak out of little mouths. I'm constantly chuckling.  Kas, the 4 year old cracks me up with his "Poppy, I'd rather not take a sleep" and "Ninny, I don't care for real food, I prefer a treat, thank you"! Otherwise he and Bella are typical Grandkids. Charming us with their cuteness.
I will meet the whole of Ken's family next week at a big birthday party in Toowoomba, doesn't that sound exotic? I love the names of the places here, either Aborigine or English in their background, they all sound like adventure to me! I was a bit disappointed to discover Ipswitch was more like Bloomington than London. But the country towns have been such a treat, just what I expected.
I miss sharing this trip with Stephen King, he would have loved it out here. The open hills with cattle and lovely Queenslander farm houses scattered on them. The road signs alone are worth the trip, I'm  unsure of what some even mean. Of course, I'm not driving yet, haven't adjusted to the wrong side of the road.
Talk to me ladies and take care. I will check back soon. Love

Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Countdown Begins

Hello, it has been awhile since I've posted. No excuse, not especially busy, just nothing to say. My mind takes frequent stops in The Dull Zone and doesn't want to start up again. I'm blaming the Winter That Never Ends. It is so convient to have this terrible weather to blame for all our illness, depression, weight gain....
I started back in the gym with Devin this week, I haven't been since the first of the year and had slipped back into weak and awkward mode. Only 16 days till OZ, so if I'm going to recue this body, it has to begin now.  I really doubt my intelligence sometimes, how can a reasonably bright woman let herself become a toad? No, not even a toad, a toad can hop like a champion. A slug! that's it, a weak, no muscle slug. I am so disappointed in myself, while training I was pedaling 4-5 miles in a 20 minute stint, Tuesday I managed a mile and a half. Shameful. And I had to ice both my knees afterwards. How can I expect to traipse around Australia on these legs? Back to twice a week in the gym plus daily walks with Hank. He will always pull me back to the house if I cannot make it.

The photo class has been less than successful, I missed a session while at Mom's one week. However, it is my natural ineptness with technology which impairs my picture taking results. Anything with more than one button and I am sunk. Chad says we can always use automatic when we are shooting for ourselves; the new cameras are smart enough to give great pictures, but I wanted to create not just capture my photos. I still have two classes before I leave so maybe a miracle will happen and I will become the latest Annie WhoeverWitz. Actually I will be satisfied with clear photos of my trip to share when I return.

My Emmaus Walk is the 20th thru the 23rd and I am looking forward to it. I have no idea what to expect but someone said, "it is a time of sitting in the lap of Jesus" and I am ready for that. I want so much to have peace around my grieving for Steve, Mom's slipping away, my anxiety regarding how I am to make a new life. I need to rediscover my place in this world with God leading the way. I am nothing but hopeful as this gets closer. I have always felt God's grace in my life and need it now more than ever. My sponsor, Marcy, is a sweet friend who has been inspiring me the last few years as she has met enormous challenges with faith and grace. She has shown me I am ready accept our Lord in a deeper, fuller way than I have before. I feel stronger whenever I speak with her. Oddly enough, the counselor has become the student in this.

All is well with our kids and grandkids right now. My boys are both working out of state which is a trial, but they know they are blessed to have good jobs when so many do not. Their dad always hated being away from home and said he felt like an intruder some weekends. I always felt bad for him, but the kids and I had to get through our week on our own. We developed a system and it was difficult to switch back when Friday night came. We flipped from dumping everything on him to not letting him do anything, a rather schizo life style for everyone. I was always so thrilled when Stephen King had work close to home! Families need daily interaction to be happy and healthy. I probably overthink our situations now that Steve is gone, beating myself up for something that I couldn't control 40 years ago. Again I doubt my intelligence :-)

Our little guys are growing leaps and bounds, they will be taller than me in a couple of years. I love those two boys, they are such a sweet mix of their dads and themselves I am amazed. I pray for them daily, the world can be so hard on boys, I want to to experience adventure and thrills, peace and contentment. I want the same for our three girls of course, but the girls will be protected and cared for because of their circumstances. Shay and Maddie will be children all their lives, Bless their hearts. Mackenzie seems to have less daring than most, as a result of her stressful past. She has the faith of a saint. I feel this will protect her from the world in the same way caring adults will protect her sister and cousin. But, oh those boys will be neck deep in whatever hijinks they can find, I know. God be with them.

Shay attends First Chance Center daily but has a couple of outside jobs, too. She helps at Head Start on Mondays and at the local optometrist office on Tuesdays. Everyone loves her and she is such a caring young woman, she works hard for them. She was crowned Miss St. Patrick at the Center's Spring dance last night (see my FB page). You never see her without her smile which makes her even more beautiful. Of all the grandkids, she talks more about her Papaw Steve, they were a special pair from day one. Losing him is still difficult for her and she frequently breaks into tears when telling a story about him.

Mack is finishing up her freshman year at IUS and seems set on getting into the Nursing program to become a Nurse Practioner. I admire her determination as she bit by bit works toward her goal. We are concerned for her health in being exposed to so many sick people with her suppressed immune system. She is going to discuss this with her doctors at her next visit in Indy. Hopefully her momma and gma are being overly cautious again.
Madeleine is transitioning to high school by having a couple of classes with the LifeSkills teacher this semester. She found Algebra and 8th grade Science much too challenging, so Mrs. Andry is working on her math and science skills in a less pressured environment. She has responded well, showing fewer signs of stress toward school. She still counts the days till Friday, but don't they all? Puberty and all the emotions that accompany it have been tough on Maddie, she cries at the drop of a hat, spends time in her room alone and is even more inclined to refuse to speak. Poor kiddo, I pray she moves quickly into the next stage of development soon, for all their sakes.

Our Joe is finding some stability in his life now. He has been living in another area since his release last year. He works and attends his meetings and goes to church. And he is out in nature again, always a woodsman, he lives on the Ohio River now and loves his little place. Of course, there is a lady in his life, when do we learn to strengthen ourselves before taking on another's burdens? He appears happy, but she has 4 little ones and struggles with many of the same issues as him. They do attend meetings and church together which is encouraging and we pray they will be successful in this relationship. I try to step back and not be too concerned that he can't handle a breakup. Leaving God in control is hard for this gma.

Courtney and Ken have a full itinerary for my visit, from a trip to the seaside to selecting "chooks" for the new henhouse. I am excited to be with them in their home for the first time. After a lifetime of dreaming of Australia, I will be there!! Seems impossible to believe. Right now I must close and get busy on cornbread! Nina is cooking for the family and I am taking corncakes to go with the pulled pork and bbq chicken. Love you all. Talk to me, Ladies. Hedy

Thursday, February 6, 2014


Can anyone believe this winter we are having? I am so tired of being cold. But the sun on the snow is breathtaking, when we have sunshine. And today we do. The snow is about 5 inches deep here but has a thick layer of ice on top, like a candy shell. Feeding Hank and the cats today was an adventure. Someplaces I could stand on the snow without breaking thru, as if weightless. The next step I was in over my shoetops with a loud CRUNCH.
Life has been abit hard lately. Time seems to make me miss Stephen King more each day. The dreadful cold hasn't helped, of course. But I truely don't mind the being alone so much as I just mind being without him. I find the silence of living alone to be a comfort, a buffer from the noise of the world. I usually spend the day quietly without TV or music. I watch the nightly news and Jeopardy, as we always did, challenging myself to answer before the contestants buzz in. Steve would always shake his head and say, "why don't you sign up for that?" Knowing fullwell my brain would freeze in front of anyone other than him.
I am doing the Ammaus Walk next month before leaving for Australia. I hope to find peace and regroup my thoughts before leaving home. I have lost my calmness and I miss it. I need to be centered again, if possible. I pray the Lord grants me that.
Our mom is failing faster, it appears. She is so quiet most days and is too weak to get out of the house. Resting after her morning bath before she can go into breakfast is becoming the norm. Sometimes lunch is in the family room now, as the kitchen seems too far for her. Her world gets smaller and smaller. My trip to Oz seems impossible when I am with her. The world seems much too big in her eyes. She speaks of that and of Brother Mike's constant traveling as if they were trips to the Moon, forgetting she and Dad would frequently fly to Vegas, Hawaii or Florida as if it were a mere daytrip. She never understood anyones desire to travel, preferring to stay home with us where she "belonged".  I am taking a quick photography class so I can share my travel experiences with her and the family, but if she isn't here when I return it will be OK. She only longs for a trip to be with Dad, not worldly travel.
Seeing where our daughter lives is something I am looking forward to, more her home, not the country. Home is so important. Who we live with and how we live are reflections of ourselves. Not the size of a house or the best appliances but how we choose to live. Simple living is sometimes the most difficult, especially with children. Steve and I made a decision early on to live quietly, simply in the county with our kids, a few animals and few distractions. That worked well for years. Until it didn't anymore. I have wondered what if we hadn't moved from the farm. What if we had stayed and insisted the kids ride the bus? What if we hadn't allowed cars and after-school jobs? What would life have been then? Could we have protected them from the world? Could we have prevented the bad things? They lived through it all and it helped make them who they are, but I wonder if a different decision would have been a better decision. I am sure every parent asks the same questions.
I have managed to get a few quilts ready to be quilted in the past few weeks, but haven't attempted the quilting. I will send them out to someone who has better skills than I possess. Maybe if I complete a tiny one, I will quilt it. I've loaded my old Sears machine into the Jeep to give to a young friend next time I am in town. It has been a good solid machine since my boys were toddlers, but I am using a Singer my mom used in the 50s. I love it so much. It is a beautiful elegant thing, rather petite like Mom. But strong and dependable, again, like Mom. It only does straight stitches, no zigzag, no fancy stitches, no buttons, no computer programs, just true straight stitches. I love it.
I ordered a kit to make Gavin a space themed quilt. Don't tell him, it may be for his college graduation! I've never used a kit with a center panel and themed fabrics but it looks simple. I have a fabric with planets spinning through a dark sky for the back. I hope he likes it. I'm sure they could find one at Wally World but WallyWorld doesn't understand his love of space.

It is getting dark, I need to close my shades and keep in the warm. Talk to me Ladies. Love, Hedy

Monday, January 13, 2014

A New Year- a new beginning

Happy New Year Everyone! Well ok, new year plus 13 days. 
It would appear that the new year, new beginning I've been praying for is starting out about the same as the last one. Dang, I was hoping for more than this polar vortex, sickness, depression and death, but it is not to be. Our family lost yet another husband, brother, father this week, my brother-in-law. He was diagnosed a few months after Steve was with lung cancer that spread to his brain. Steve always considered him an older brother and spent lots of time with him after he retired. My heart breaks for my sister-in-law and nieces and nephew. We know what they are suffering. May God bless them all with His grace.
I have never been effected much by the weather but, my goodness, this cold, dark, ugly stuff is getting on my last nerve. I'm becoming somewhat of a hermit, dreading to leave my shelter. I deliver my meals on Friday, if weather allows, spend my weekend with my mom and then stay inside all week. Getting spooky, my sister claims. Not really, I just need the solitude and silence to heal my heart and soul. I read, attempt some quilt piecing, rearrange furniture and read some more. Google has allowed me to become somewhat of an expert on many topics. Jeopardy is one of the few things I watch on TV and I google answers I am unfamiliar with. Oh I know not to end that sentence with a preposition, but really, don't we all talk this way? How stilted to say "answers with which I am unfamiliar"? Besides my college comp professor said if you know the rules you can break them. Apparently rules are just for the uneducated, maybe?
To be honest, I have been depressed lately and sad and angry. So what? I have been a good girl all my life, followed all the rules and helped others. Just like my parents, teachers and Scout leaders directed. And now at 64 I am a widow, alone and it stinks. I would say 'sucks or blows' but I do not like those words. I have always had anger issues of an untypical kind, I don't know how to be angry, I just don't have it in me. No great big loud outburst of noise, no cursing, no threatening to nail anyone to a wall by tender body parts, I just cry. And I am not a cryer, therefore, my anger problem. I have this big dark well inside that is just there and I don't know how to empty or fill it.
As a counselor I know that letting others in will help, helping others will help, but as a griever (?) I am not ready yet. I know that a massage would help my tight muscles, but I cannot take the chance that I might break with that much intense contact. I am too fragile and vulnerable to risk my control over my self. And you all thought I was the queen of calm and control, didn't you? Yep, this piece of the rock is crumbling a tiny bit. 
I am doing a personal Bible study on The Authentic Voice with Dr. Billy Graham's daughter, seeking to find Gods voice in all of this hurt. I keep listening to hear Him say He is here with me and it will be OK, but I hear only silence. I know He is and it will be, but right now I need more. Once when our son was flown to Louisville after a car wreck, I felt God in the car with us, telling me our child would live. I keep listening for that loving voice again. Time heals all things, maybe, maybe not. 
My life is full of blessings. Yes, I can truthfully, sincerely say that to you. I count and rejoice in those blessings daily. I know millions of people suffer much greater pain everyday. Mothers must watch their babies starve to death, die from disease or be shot down in war. People experience agony in ways we cannot imagine. My mind knows all this to be true. And yet I hurt. I hurt for my loss, my children's and grand children's loss. And I am angry at cancer, at doctors, at the world. 
Well, not that that is out, how beautiful was today, huh? Sunny and mild almost balmy. I loved it. I came home from Mom's  and cleaned my fridge! Yep, I'm weird. Nothing like a clean, empty fridge, I must buy groceries tomorrow! The loaf of bread I bought before Christmas is looking a bit suspicious, even toasting doesn't help the taste. I'm out of fruit and tortillas and hummus, only peanut butter and stale crackers left for supper tonight. I hate shopping, Stephen King was my shopping knight in shining armor. Apparently I only love cooking for others, who knew? My boys fixed my frozen pipes last Monday and said they were afraid they were eating my last meal with their tomato soup and quesidilla lunch. It just doesn't feel important to eat. Yet strangely I manage to remain an overweight status. My metabolism is akin to a whales, I am convinced. 
It is 3:00 am, I must get into bed. Take care and talk to me. Love

Saturday, December 7, 2013

I am living in a WinterWonderland this morning! We have about 9 inches of beautiful snow. The sun is lighting up every sparkly surface, the tree limbs, the rooftops and the vehicles are all coated in velvet frosting. My little house is warm and quiet and my coffee is hot. I think I am happy.
Christmas decorations need to be taken from storage boxes, a tree needs to be put up and dressed in bright lights, my wooden Santa needs to be hung on the front porch, but that can wait. I'm going to sit in Stephen King's chair and look out at all this glorious wonder for awhile. God has blessed me with all of this today and I want to appreciate it, to thank him for it and to bask in its beauty.
My shopping is complete, all done by surfing the World Wide Web. It is not the most exciting approach to gift buying, but for me it is a grand fit. There is anything a person could ask for out there,  soup to nuts, A to Z, including the kitchen sink! My little boys have figured out how to go to Amazon, shop for their hearts' desire, and place it in Gma's cart. Never clicking on BUY, of course. They are so thoughtful. ;-) I love giving, always have. Christmas has always been a special time for me. The idea of a newborn in a manger, and people from all over bringing Him gifts has inspired me since childhood. I've alway wanted everyone to get just that perfect gift. I was grown before I realized that Baby in the manger was the perfect gift for us all. But still, I think all year about what special thing would please my kids and grands. Steve always fretted about my spending, but then was pleased that they were thrilled with the presents. Christmas will be so different this time. No Mr. Scrooge huffing as the UPS truck pulls into our drive, the wrapped gifts pile up under the tree and the kitchen becomes a maze of candy and cookies platters. We will miss him sitting back watching all the chaos of unwrapping, squeals of delight, and Gavin's traditional "best gift ever", a look of satisfaction on his face. But we will do it anyway because we must go on as if he were still here with us. And I think that he will be.
I've a new activity in my week, I've started delivering meals to the needy in French Lick. They are fresh cooked by the volunteers at The Mercy Center in Paoli. I get to give back a bit to this community that supported my school for so long and I enjoy it. Most of the folks are seniors but a few are younger families that just need a hand. Friday is my delivery day and I have between 60 and 70 meals to get to houses and apartments all over town. If you've never been to French Lick, it is a town built on hills, steep hills, narrow streets cross-crossing each other. My route takes about two hours, but the food is packed in cartons and kept in insulated bags so it's still warm upon delivery. Most folks meet me at the door with a smile, happy for the meal and a bit of company. It is a blessing to be allowed to serve them. I thought I wanted to be on the preparing end of things, cooking big batches, but I truly love delivering. The Mercy Center is a wonderful thing in our county, serving 2500 meals to shut ins and on site drop ins. There is hope to provide an emergency shelter in the future. Even little, rural Orange County has homeless nowadays. My particular concern is with teens who for whatever reason have no place to live. So many are sleeping at friends homes or on couches in places that are not safe for them. I pray daily for an answer for this.
My days are quiet for the most part now. I spend the weekend with Mom, then generally stay in the rest of the week. I seldom have the TV on but listen to music on my iPad or laptop. Talking seems to annoy me especially the voices on TV. I read continually, probably too much. I clean a bit around the house, walk Hank once a day, eat hummus or peanut butter and sleep. Once a week I go to the gym and workout with Devin. It is helping but my muscles don't respond like they did before Lupus, weakness strikes a lot. But I feel better, exercise is good for the brain. I'm not at the "runner's high" level but it does lift my mood afterwards. Sadness seems to be my constant companion and I guess that is ok, sadness isn't depression. Grief is different than anything I've known before. And grieving for Steve is different from the grief I've felt with my dad and grandparents and aunts passing. This is as if I've grown a second skin, covering me with sadness. I doubt it will ever leave. But it isn't malignant like depression, just a new dimension to my life.
I'm making pillows for the girls so I best get at it. I find it difficult to concentrate at the sewing machine but push myself to do something productive.
Take good care and talk to me. Love

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Happy Birthday

Stephen King would have been 68 today, imagine that! He dreaded turning 70, I suppose he won't have to worry about that now. I know it gets said too often, but really, where did those years go? Were we not paying attention? I have full memories of each year, yet it seems impossible that so many have passed by. How did two kids come to this? I'm not lamenting them, we loved them as we lived them (mostly), just amazed that it is over. Oh, I know life isn't over (don't panic), but that life is over. A new one begins.
Trent will be 44 tomorrow, another hard to believe fact! Soon all of our kids will be in their forties. Geez Louise. This baby who didn't want to separate from his mom is a wonderful father. He was two weeks late, a big 9 pounds and had to be yanked, screaming from his safe place at birth. Shy, painfully shy, he held my hand for years trying to find his place. He found it in Nina and her kids. They saw  a man in him, where others saw a boy. That saved him. He and Nina have a lovely life they enjoy so much. Full of kids and fun, working side by side with each other. They really live their lives, each week is an adventure. Gavin is his mini-me, intelligent and always seeking. I am so proud of him and love them all so much. Happy Birthday, our beautiful boy.
As always my issue lately has been my mind. I cannot shut it off, sleep is pushed aside by thoughts of the past, by thoughts of the future and by fear of the present.  Of course, I'm reading everything I find (I always have) but just this morning I found a quote that stopped me in my tracks; it fit me to a tee. Caroline Myss is a wonderful writer of spiritual study. Not only Godly, but soulful. I started reading her work when our dad died nearly fifteen years ago and revisited her this fall. Today I found what I was seeking, "the soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is the mind". Exactly. My soul is at peace, I know Steve is with God, my mind is the problem. What ifs, guilt, remorse, should haves, if only, what now, plague my thoughts. I am sure this is a typical reaction to loss, but it feels as if it is mine alone. I must work on distracting my mind. 
I'm beginning on a new start to a new life by hiring a personal trainer. Most of you know of my health issues and my avoidance of exercise issues, well I'm trying to overcome them. Last week I met with a young cousin of mine who is a personal trainer, massage therapist and student in physical therapy (just what I need) and we are meeting weekly plus he gave me an agenda to work on which includes exercises, biking and water therapy. Our third session is in 90 minutes and here I sit sipping coffee and writing.  Maybe my mind isn't totally into this yet! But I won't give up so easily. I have no excuse for not taking care of myself and giving my kids a better mom and grandma. I've promised Gav a walk around the farm and Cabe a long beach walk. The boys have never known a strong healthy Gma, like the girls and Joe had. I want to enjoy them as I did the older ones and my kids. Walking, camping, playing ball were all things I loved back then, I want that back. Day by day, bit by bit, bird by bird, I will make it. Just takes time and getting my mind to slow down and shut up. I may need counseling, Ladies, any volunteers? Stay strong. Talk to me. Love, Hedy

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Two months and Counting

Stephen King has been gone for two months now. I cannot decide if these have been the longest two months of my life or the shortest. I'm afraid I am not truly aware of time passing, all days seem the same, week upon week. I am not accomplishing much around here, keeping Hank untangled from the deck posts, the boat trailer and the car tires takes up a lot of time. Actually moving his hitch seems way too complicated, so we play this game 14 times a day. Keeps both of us from being lonely, I suppose.
After much coaxing from my sister, I have started sewing abit. A few pillows, some blocks added to a quilt top. I get distracted easily though or bored with the project. I still need silence and I am happiest when home alone. Our kids are in and out and I love that, too. I have joined a Bible Study group with some neighborhood ladies that meets twice a month. It is a great balm to my spirit. I haven't studied The Word so intensely for years and enjoy digging deeper into it. We have great discussions that answer so many questions for me. Each of us has our own burden and sharing lifts them for awhile. We are a mixed group and I think that adds to the benefits, always another view to consider and learn from.
I have been staying with Mom once again, I missed her and didn't realize it. We share another bond in being widows, she says. A club no one wants to join. She continues to have good days and bad. The pain from arthritis increases on these rainy, fall days. She is still aware of family and friends but forgets what occurred five minutes ago. She sits on her nest on the couch for too many hours each day, not interested in moving around or leaving the house. Ice cream is her biggest thrill and she would eat only that if allowed. We have to check with each other when changing shifts, to not overdose her with vanilla cones! Alzheimer's is a terrible thing. Watching a loved one disappear hurts so much.
I don't watch much TV, but have really been reading a lot, especially blogs on the internet. Some are harmless fluff about decorating or quilting, but a few a written by wonderful writers who entertain, inform and give me support. I chat with a lovely, strong lung cancer survivor from Boston and a recent widow from Pennsylvania who feel like family. Linnea and Kate, you will never know how much I look forward to a new post from you. Cancer isn't choosy, it takes from anywhere, any family without discrimination. Connecting online gives us a bigger picture, I believe, it lightens the load to know you are not alone. Of course, it also opens one up for more pain, knowing these sweet people are suffering also.  But making that connection is worth the pain for me.
Being a widow seems so foreign to me. I've been Steve's wife for 46 years, since is was just 17 years old. I really don't know how not to be. I have other titles;  daughter, mother, sister, grandmother, friend, counselor, but my identity was Steve's wife. He often joked that people only knew him as Hedy's husband. We tend to be identified with our mates after so many years. I feel abit like I am in a government witness protection program, who am I? This feeling is surprising to me, I always considered myself a very independent woman. I prided myself in being strong and smart, able to survive anything. The joke is on me, I'm afraid, maybe I was just strong with him beside me?
My life is certainly not all sadness, please, don't think that. I'm just gloomy today, to match the cool rainy weather.  I am going to travel to OZ in the Spring to visit with Courtney and Ken for three months, I cannot believe it yet! Ken's Aunt Edna is my cousin by marriage and she is going along with me, as is her daughter-in-law, Kathy. They will be staying with family while I shall be at Court's new home with her. This is a trip Stephen King and I hoped for long before our daughter moved there. Who doesn't want to see the land down under?
Enough for now, Sweet Ladies. Talk to me. Take care. Hedy