Saturday, May 28, 2011

Peace

My good friend lost her nephew this week in one tragic instant the 18 month old drowned in the family pool. This is as bad as life can be for a parent, to lose a child, the baby of the family, so precious, now gone. Due to an earlier loss, this boy thought of my friend as a grandmother, she was a constant in his brief life. I can only pray for her and his other family members. Prayer is the least and the most we can do, it is the ONLY thing that helps. I came across this little memo this week which struck me with its pertinence to this tragedy:
                             Peace...it does not mean to be in a place where there i no noise, trouble or
                            hard work, it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in 
                            your heart.

Maybe all we can pray for is peace for the family at a time like this. Pray they will find peace.

I love you all. Hedy

Saturday, May 21, 2011

RANDOM THOUGHTS

THESE DAYS A THOUGHT LASTS ABOUT 3 SECONDS IN MY HEAD BEFORE SEEKING FREEDOM OUTSIDE. I CANNOT CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING, THOUGHTS SWIRL AS IF MY BRAIN IS EQUIPPED WITH A BLENDER. THE MUSHY GOOP POURS FROM MY MOUTH, PEOPLE STARE, STUDENTS GIGGLE, I LAUGH AT MYSELF. I PRAY THIS STOPS WITH RETIREMENT! I PRAY I WILL SOON BE NORMAL AGAIN. I PRAY I HAVEN'T WAITED TOO LONG TO RETIRE.  I PRAY THE DAMAGE ISN'T PERMANENT. hehehehe
I FEEL THAT THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE FOURTH PART OF MY ADULT LIFE; I'VE BEEN A CHILD AT HOME WITH MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS, I'VE BEEN A STAY-AT-HOME MOM, I'VE BEEN A NON-TRADIONAL STUDENT AND PROFESSIONAL WITH A CAREER AND NOW...I'M GOING TO BE HOME ALONE WITH STEPHEN KING FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS 18 YEARS OLD. JUST THE TWO OF US, LIKE NEWLY-WEDS IN OUR 60S. SOMETHING TELLS ME IT WON'T BE EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE FIRST TIME. WE WILL BE MARRIED 45 YEARS THIS DECEMBER. IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT STATEMENT, EVEN AS I WRITE IT. IN MY HEART I FEEL SO MUCH LOVE FOR HIM, JUST LIKE THEN. ONLY DIFFERENT. BACK THEN I COULD NOT HAVE IMAGINED HOW CARING HE WOULD BE, OR HOW MUCH RESPECT I WOULD HAVE FOR HIM AFTER A LIFETIME TOGETHER. I COULDN'T FORESEE THE JOY OUR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS WOULD BRING HIM OR HOW MUCH TENDERNESS HE WOULD SHOW MY AILING MOM.
I'M HOPING THAT WE CAN LIVE MORE SIMPLY NOW. I WANT TO "GO TO HOUSEKEEPING" AGAIN. IT BROUGHT SUCH JOY TO BE A GOOD HOUSEKEEPER BACK IN THE DAY. ROUTINE CHORES KEEP ONE SANE, I THINK. GOOD MEALS, LAUNDERED CLOTHES AND A CLEAN HOUSE CREATE A SAFE, WARM HOME FROM WHICH TO FACE THE WORLD. I HAVEN'T FALLEN TO FILTHY YET, BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN INVOLVED WITH MY HOME FOR YEARS. I KEEP THE WORST OUT AND MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW CLEANS ONCE A MONTH. I WANT TO DEEP CLEAN AND REARRANGE FURNITURE AND HANG NEW CURTAINS. I WANT TO BAKE BREAD, CAN VEGETABLES AND GROW FLOWERS. I WANT TO PIECE A QUILT AND FINISH IT IN THE SAME YEAR. WILL I? THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN. I MAY BE A SLACKER AND FEED HIM CEREAL AND BECOME A HOARDER. BUT I DON'T THINK SO!
MY GIRLS FROM SCHOOL HAD A SURPRISE PARTY FOR ME AT THE COUNTRY CLUB THIS WEEK. I WAS SO TOUCHED BY THEIR EFFORT. I LOVE THE CLUB HOUSE. IT IS AN OLD PLACE FILLED WITH CHARACTER, HIGH CEILINGS, WONDERFUL WOODWORK,  BEAUTIFUL SCENERY AND WE ATE ON THE COVERED PORCH!!! MY FAVORITE PLACE IN FRENCH LICK. THIS GROUP OF LADIES IS PARTIULARLY SPECIAL TO ME; SOME WERE THERE WHEN I STARTED WORK, SOME I'VE KNOW SINCE WE WERE YOUNG MOMS TOGETHER, BUT MOST ARE "MY GIRLS". LOVELY LADIES HIRED ESPECIALLY FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL, YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY DAUGHTERS AND WE HAVE SHARED ENOUGH OVER THE YEARS TO BE FAMILY. THESE ARE THE ONES I WILL MISS EVERYDAY WITH RETIREMENT. STACY - I KNEW BEFORE SHE WAS BORN! AND HER'S WAS THE FIRST CLASS I WORKED WITH AT VALLEY, I HIRED HER TO RUN THE SUMMER PROGRAM WHEN SHE WAS IN COLLEGE, HER THREE KIDS ARE LIKE MY GRANDCHILDREN, AND NOW SHE'S MY BOSS! JESSIE, KRISTINA, TERESA, KARI ARE IN AND OUT OF MY OFFICE CONSTANTLY THROUGHOUT THE DAY, AS I AM IN THEIR CLASSROOMS. RITA AND HOPE, MY SISTERS IN LIFE. THE UPS AND DOWNS, JOYS AND TEARS WE HAVE SHARED ARE UNENDING. BRENDA AND CHARLA WERE MY RIGHT HAND FOR YEARS, SAVING MY BUTT ON SO MANY OCCASIONS. KNOWING WHEN TO OPEN WINDOWS FOR MY 10:00 HOT FLASH, MANAGING MY UNMANAGABLE COMPUTER NEEDS AND A SCHEDULE FROM HELL. JILL, MY OTHER SON'S WIFE AND MY  DEAR FRIEND. SHE IS THE MOTHER TO MY SPECIAL KIDS AT SCHOOL AND TO TWO MIRACLES OF LIFE AT HOME. THIS FAMILY MEANS MORE TO ME THAN I CAN EXPRESS. AND CONNIE, MY SOUL SISTER, THELMA TO MY LOUISE! WE HAVE SHARED MORE OF EACH OTHERS LIVES THESE PAST 19 YEARS THAN I SHARED WITH ANYONE. SHE HAS TAUGHT ME SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF; HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE, HOW TO SEE WITHOUT ROSE-COLORED GLASSES, AND HOW TO MANAGE SURVIVAL WITH DIGNITY. I WILL CONTINUE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL OF THEM, BUT I KNOW IT WILL NOT BE THE SAME. WE AREN'T GOING TO HAVE THE DAY-TO-DAY SUPPORT, THE CRAZY, SHARED ADVENTURES OF  EDUCATION IN INDIANA, THE DAILY WORDLESS EXCHANGES WHICH HAVE TIED US SO CLOSELY TOGETHER. I WILL MISS PAINFULLY MISS THEM ALL.
BUT WHAT I WILL BE GAINING IN EXCHANGE IS A BLESSING. I WILL BE AT HOME! I WILL HAVE TIME WITH MY MOM AND MY SISTER, MY FAMILY AND STEPHEN KING. I HAVE BEEN MISSING FROM THEIR LIVES FOR YEARS, I KNOW. I WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING THE OLDEST DAUGHTER, THE BIG SISTER, THE G-MA AND THE WIFE. I WANT TO FLY TO OZ AND WITNESS MY DAUGHTER'S NEW LIFE.
IMAGINE LADIES, I'VE BEEN GIVEN A CHANCE TO HAVE IT ALL AND IT'S ALL GOOD! ALL THE TIME.  TALK TO ME, LOVE

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Times...They are A Changin'

Good Morning Ladies, strange that I can find the time to blog while sitting at my work desk! Must be retiring soon :-) . I think I'm so covered up with work to finish, I don't know where to start. June 3 is coming soon, sooner than I thought it would. I've been invited to the Board meeting tonight (to be recognized) some of them will need me to wear a name tag! I plan to explain why they need to replace me, as opposed to just absorbing my position, remain calm and walk out with my head high and my dignity in tact. That's my plan; the reality may be a little more messy! My vice principal told me recently he plans to go into the classrooms next year and talk to them about respect. What a concept! Did you other counselors get that? Apparently he will use his "MagicWand" and make it happen. If you get my drift. I love this guy, he's a decent man. a great dad, a good administrator. But if he really thinks talking respect to middle school students is all it takes, God Help Him! Must be the Penis talking.
Alison. you know all our thoughts and prayers will be with you Friday. " A shot and a sheet". Really? Put me to sleep, then cut into my chest, Buddy. Hope this little surgery doesn't mess up your bikini line, Girl. I have something called fibrous dysplasia in my bones, which caused the scare when our boys were babies. Janelle had the extra tissue mass in the winter. Maybe we all just got a little extra. Just our luck, huh? I hope to get up north and see you all this summer. I missed my Baby time with Caleb this spring. Cannot wait to hold him for the first time, Elaine. I may just set up camp in your yard and hold court for a few days. Rocking the baby, baking cookies for the kids, mixing salsa and drinks for the adults. I miss you all.
Stephen King is putting out his garden in between floods. Potatoes and more tomato plants going in today. Rain not supposed to get here till 4:00. We only get 1-2 sunny days a week and have to take advantage when they come. I want to get my planters filled this week, but have to power wash porches first. We are beginning to mold in the Valley, everything has an icky, sticky surface on it. I think I'll do ferns on my front porch this year. What do you think? Last time I had ferns, I had birds' nests in them. It was neat to watch the eggs and hatchlings. All of a sudden, I'm loving birds and their songs. Shore birds and chickens have always been my favorites, but now the area songbirds are making me smile. Wish I could recognize their songs, but I am getting better at idenifying them by sight. Simple pleasures are what keep us going. Don't overlook them while waiting for the big things to happen.
My words are hiding from me right now. I need to hear from you all. Talk to me. Love

Monday, May 2, 2011

What In The World?

Hello Ladies, I seem to have been lost in space recently. Time certainly gets away when we are busy, doesn't it? I'm sorry to have missed you all at Gagglefest, I know it was a great time. My Mom is doing much better the last week or so. She seems more like herself. Our girls are doing well, Maddie is back to normal and Kenz is doing ok on the new meds. School is crazy, flooding keeps us closed or delayed several days this spring. Today is one of them; early dismissal at 10:00 due to 4 inches last night and water flowing downstream. Apparently much faster than anticipated. ISTEP was put off last week, wonder if we can get another extension from the State. And who cares anyway?
I'm still processing the news of Osama Bin Laden being killed. What does this mean to our world? He seems to have already been replaced by other evils. I'm sure the families of the victims of 9/11 are experiencing relief of some kind. I pray for world peace each morning, feeling that between the wild weather and the economy and the world situation, peace is very elusive and much needed in all our lives.
Our Dad passed away 12 years ago yesterday. Hard to believe it has been so long. I still look for him to be sitting on the glider when I pull up their drive. My Dad was a big presence in my life, I always attempted to make him proud because he had accomplished so much in his life. He was a fatherless boy in an age where they were not accepted. Family was the most important thing in Dad's life, he made sure we never doubted how much he loved us and how special each of us were to him. Dad always treated Mom like a precious jewel, telling her how pretty she was, making sure she had anything she might think she needed. In fact, she often says she wished he hadn't always given in to her requests. As in paneling the walls in the 70s! She wallpapered over them in the 90s and regrets both actions. They spoiled each other, as the oldest of 13 children, Mom only knew how to take care of others. She took care of everything in their world; we never lacked for clean clothing, fresh food or a clean home. Dad made the living and Mom took care of everyrhing else. Growing up in that home, in that era was like a fairytale. Most kids today wouldn't recognize that kind of home. It breaks my heart to know that. I wish everyone could experience it. I'm sorry my grand children didn't have the chance to know their Grandad Bob. He loved kids and would have had a time with our wild boys and the sweet girls. I try to keep the good times in my heart and let go of the time that has passed since we lost him. I do miss you, Dad.
I've been attempting to work through all the steps to retirement! Wow, it would be easier to keep working. Everyone must be notified in advance, paperwork falls from the sky, the phone calls from people keeping records are amazing. Who knew you cannot just stop working? You have to follow the yellow brick road to retirement. So far I've talked to Dorothy and the Wicked Witch but haven't heard from the Wizard! There wasn't nearly the hassle when Stephen King retired - the State has its hands in ours lives up the wazoo, Girls. By the time you all retire, educators will be farmed out to someone else. Like everything else in Indiana.
I have mixed emotions about retiring. Love my job, love my kids, love my staff. I worry about what will happen when I am not there. I know that's ridiculous, the school will go on just like it always has. It isn't that, it's just I know the needs and expectations. I can be replaced and hope to be, but what if I'm not? These kids need an adult to make contact with them everyday, say their name, notice them, smile and laugh with them, hold them accountable for their behavior, love them. An empty office cannot do that. On the other hand, I look forward to spending long days with my Mom, my sister, my husband, my kids. I want to finish things; my quilt tops, my house, maybe write some. I want to see new places with Stephen King, revisit places with my grandkids. Talk about old times with Mom.
Our oldest grandson begins a new time in his life soon. He will be gone from us for a long while. He is paying for his bad decisions in a way we cannot imagine. He seems to have accepted this and looks forward to gaining what he can from this time. I pray he returns to us a new version of the boy we love. He will be in my heart and prayers each day. He deserves a chance at life.
The girls and I have chosen our summer escape and will wait till July to go this year. The kiddos are excited about Fourth of July fireworks on the beach. All the little towns on the Cape have celebrations so we should see a nice display. Hopefully from our deck! But we may have to drive to town. We love Cape San Blas. It is so quiet and non-commercial. You feel like you are at home in the small towns. There are no highrises, no tourist traps, plenty of good restaurants, neat shops and beautiful beaches. Sssshhhhush, don't tell anyone about this paradise.
So many changes in the Gaggle; Kendra is walking aready, Janelle and Alison have had their health scares, Caleb has been born and I'm sure someone else is planning a baby. I hope to see and hear from each of you soon. I miss you all. Talk to me. Love