Can anyone believe this winter we are having? I am so tired of being cold. But the sun on the snow is breathtaking, when we have sunshine. And today we do. The snow is about 5 inches deep here but has a thick layer of ice on top, like a candy shell. Feeding Hank and the cats today was an adventure. Someplaces I could stand on the snow without breaking thru, as if weightless. The next step I was in over my shoetops with a loud CRUNCH.
Life has been abit hard lately. Time seems to make me miss Stephen King more each day. The dreadful cold hasn't helped, of course. But I truely don't mind the being alone so much as I just mind being without him. I find the silence of living alone to be a comfort, a buffer from the noise of the world. I usually spend the day quietly without TV or music. I watch the nightly news and Jeopardy, as we always did, challenging myself to answer before the contestants buzz in. Steve would always shake his head and say, "why don't you sign up for that?" Knowing fullwell my brain would freeze in front of anyone other than him.
I am doing the Ammaus Walk next month before leaving for Australia. I hope to find peace and regroup my thoughts before leaving home. I have lost my calmness and I miss it. I need to be centered again, if possible. I pray the Lord grants me that.
Our mom is failing faster, it appears. She is so quiet most days and is too weak to get out of the house. Resting after her morning bath before she can go into breakfast is becoming the norm. Sometimes lunch is in the family room now, as the kitchen seems too far for her. Her world gets smaller and smaller. My trip to Oz seems impossible when I am with her. The world seems much too big in her eyes. She speaks of that and of Brother Mike's constant traveling as if they were trips to the Moon, forgetting she and Dad would frequently fly to Vegas, Hawaii or Florida as if it were a mere daytrip. She never understood anyones desire to travel, preferring to stay home with us where she "belonged". I am taking a quick photography class so I can share my travel experiences with her and the family, but if she isn't here when I return it will be OK. She only longs for a trip to be with Dad, not worldly travel.
Seeing where our daughter lives is something I am looking forward to, more her home, not the country. Home is so important. Who we live with and how we live are reflections of ourselves. Not the size of a house or the best appliances but how we choose to live. Simple living is sometimes the most difficult, especially with children. Steve and I made a decision early on to live quietly, simply in the county with our kids, a few animals and few distractions. That worked well for years. Until it didn't anymore. I have wondered what if we hadn't moved from the farm. What if we had stayed and insisted the kids ride the bus? What if we hadn't allowed cars and after-school jobs? What would life have been then? Could we have protected them from the world? Could we have prevented the bad things? They lived through it all and it helped make them who they are, but I wonder if a different decision would have been a better decision. I am sure every parent asks the same questions.
I have managed to get a few quilts ready to be quilted in the past few weeks, but haven't attempted the quilting. I will send them out to someone who has better skills than I possess. Maybe if I complete a tiny one, I will quilt it. I've loaded my old Sears machine into the Jeep to give to a young friend next time I am in town. It has been a good solid machine since my boys were toddlers, but I am using a Singer my mom used in the 50s. I love it so much. It is a beautiful elegant thing, rather petite like Mom. But strong and dependable, again, like Mom. It only does straight stitches, no zigzag, no fancy stitches, no buttons, no computer programs, just true straight stitches. I love it.
I ordered a kit to make Gavin a space themed quilt. Don't tell him, it may be for his college graduation! I've never used a kit with a center panel and themed fabrics but it looks simple. I have a fabric with planets spinning through a dark sky for the back. I hope he likes it. I'm sure they could find one at Wally World but WallyWorld doesn't understand his love of space.
It is getting dark, I need to close my shades and keep in the warm. Talk to me Ladies. Love, Hedy