Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Countdown Begins

Hello, it has been awhile since I've posted. No excuse, not especially busy, just nothing to say. My mind takes frequent stops in The Dull Zone and doesn't want to start up again. I'm blaming the Winter That Never Ends. It is so convient to have this terrible weather to blame for all our illness, depression, weight gain....
I started back in the gym with Devin this week, I haven't been since the first of the year and had slipped back into weak and awkward mode. Only 16 days till OZ, so if I'm going to recue this body, it has to begin now.  I really doubt my intelligence sometimes, how can a reasonably bright woman let herself become a toad? No, not even a toad, a toad can hop like a champion. A slug! that's it, a weak, no muscle slug. I am so disappointed in myself, while training I was pedaling 4-5 miles in a 20 minute stint, Tuesday I managed a mile and a half. Shameful. And I had to ice both my knees afterwards. How can I expect to traipse around Australia on these legs? Back to twice a week in the gym plus daily walks with Hank. He will always pull me back to the house if I cannot make it.

The photo class has been less than successful, I missed a session while at Mom's one week. However, it is my natural ineptness with technology which impairs my picture taking results. Anything with more than one button and I am sunk. Chad says we can always use automatic when we are shooting for ourselves; the new cameras are smart enough to give great pictures, but I wanted to create not just capture my photos. I still have two classes before I leave so maybe a miracle will happen and I will become the latest Annie WhoeverWitz. Actually I will be satisfied with clear photos of my trip to share when I return.

My Emmaus Walk is the 20th thru the 23rd and I am looking forward to it. I have no idea what to expect but someone said, "it is a time of sitting in the lap of Jesus" and I am ready for that. I want so much to have peace around my grieving for Steve, Mom's slipping away, my anxiety regarding how I am to make a new life. I need to rediscover my place in this world with God leading the way. I am nothing but hopeful as this gets closer. I have always felt God's grace in my life and need it now more than ever. My sponsor, Marcy, is a sweet friend who has been inspiring me the last few years as she has met enormous challenges with faith and grace. She has shown me I am ready accept our Lord in a deeper, fuller way than I have before. I feel stronger whenever I speak with her. Oddly enough, the counselor has become the student in this.

All is well with our kids and grandkids right now. My boys are both working out of state which is a trial, but they know they are blessed to have good jobs when so many do not. Their dad always hated being away from home and said he felt like an intruder some weekends. I always felt bad for him, but the kids and I had to get through our week on our own. We developed a system and it was difficult to switch back when Friday night came. We flipped from dumping everything on him to not letting him do anything, a rather schizo life style for everyone. I was always so thrilled when Stephen King had work close to home! Families need daily interaction to be happy and healthy. I probably overthink our situations now that Steve is gone, beating myself up for something that I couldn't control 40 years ago. Again I doubt my intelligence :-)

Our little guys are growing leaps and bounds, they will be taller than me in a couple of years. I love those two boys, they are such a sweet mix of their dads and themselves I am amazed. I pray for them daily, the world can be so hard on boys, I want to to experience adventure and thrills, peace and contentment. I want the same for our three girls of course, but the girls will be protected and cared for because of their circumstances. Shay and Maddie will be children all their lives, Bless their hearts. Mackenzie seems to have less daring than most, as a result of her stressful past. She has the faith of a saint. I feel this will protect her from the world in the same way caring adults will protect her sister and cousin. But, oh those boys will be neck deep in whatever hijinks they can find, I know. God be with them.

Shay attends First Chance Center daily but has a couple of outside jobs, too. She helps at Head Start on Mondays and at the local optometrist office on Tuesdays. Everyone loves her and she is such a caring young woman, she works hard for them. She was crowned Miss St. Patrick at the Center's Spring dance last night (see my FB page). You never see her without her smile which makes her even more beautiful. Of all the grandkids, she talks more about her Papaw Steve, they were a special pair from day one. Losing him is still difficult for her and she frequently breaks into tears when telling a story about him.

Mack is finishing up her freshman year at IUS and seems set on getting into the Nursing program to become a Nurse Practioner. I admire her determination as she bit by bit works toward her goal. We are concerned for her health in being exposed to so many sick people with her suppressed immune system. She is going to discuss this with her doctors at her next visit in Indy. Hopefully her momma and gma are being overly cautious again.
Madeleine is transitioning to high school by having a couple of classes with the LifeSkills teacher this semester. She found Algebra and 8th grade Science much too challenging, so Mrs. Andry is working on her math and science skills in a less pressured environment. She has responded well, showing fewer signs of stress toward school. She still counts the days till Friday, but don't they all? Puberty and all the emotions that accompany it have been tough on Maddie, she cries at the drop of a hat, spends time in her room alone and is even more inclined to refuse to speak. Poor kiddo, I pray she moves quickly into the next stage of development soon, for all their sakes.

Our Joe is finding some stability in his life now. He has been living in another area since his release last year. He works and attends his meetings and goes to church. And he is out in nature again, always a woodsman, he lives on the Ohio River now and loves his little place. Of course, there is a lady in his life, when do we learn to strengthen ourselves before taking on another's burdens? He appears happy, but she has 4 little ones and struggles with many of the same issues as him. They do attend meetings and church together which is encouraging and we pray they will be successful in this relationship. I try to step back and not be too concerned that he can't handle a breakup. Leaving God in control is hard for this gma.

Courtney and Ken have a full itinerary for my visit, from a trip to the seaside to selecting "chooks" for the new henhouse. I am excited to be with them in their home for the first time. After a lifetime of dreaming of Australia, I will be there!! Seems impossible to believe. Right now I must close and get busy on cornbread! Nina is cooking for the family and I am taking corncakes to go with the pulled pork and bbq chicken. Love you all. Talk to me, Ladies. Hedy

1 comment:

Alison Reinholt said...

I'm so glad you will be able to get to Oz soon! This winter has been brutal for sure. amazing how quickly a little sunshine and 30 degree temperatures can turn around one's mood.
I feel badly for not calling. How easy it is to just pick up the phone and make a call. Makes a big difference, yet I chose not to. For that I am deeply sorry. I was looking at the Gaggle paperweight the other day thinking of how much I miss all of us being together every month. I have no idea how I would ever make it through the program now. Despite the chaos of life then it seemed like a simpler time. I say that as I sit on my couch with Jordan watching college basketball while Rex and Trenton are in Michigan for a basketball tournament. Yeah, life has turned upside town and sideways since then. I think sometimes it spins backwards on it's axis while the world spins just a little quicker.

It's so easy to look back and think how things could have been if. The English language's biggest little word "IF". We must go on the best we can and trust that The Lord has it all under control. Easier said than done for sure. I don't do a very good job letting go myself. I think that it's because we love so much, so deeply, that it's harder to let go. I may be off base, but that's how it feels.
I love that you're doing the Emmaus Walk. My mom was involved with that a few years ago and it was such an amazing experience. I'll be sending some extra prayers for you those days as well.

Love you, Lady! Take care and safe travels if I don't talk to you before you get to Oz. <3