Just when you think you have a plan... you get a wake up call from the Man in charge. Stephen King and I planned our lives long ago: I'd stay home raise the kids, keep house while he made the living. Then I'd finish school, have a career and he would retire early. About that time, his company restructured and he lost his job, just before retirement. God laughed. But He saw us thru it and Steve found a less stressful job for a few years. Then retired. If anyone ever enjoyed retirement it is Stephen King. After 40 + years of days starting at 4:00 AM and ending after dark, he was free to do what he wanted. He became my "house bitch". Our joke. He made beds, washed dishes and shopped. I found this wonderful. Grocery shopping is my most dreaded chore. Ok, back to the Plan. After a rough year we decided I would retire, too. God starts grinning here, the state decided I had worked 30 days too little to get my pension. OK, we can live without it. We decide to travel. Stephen King begins to complain about his aching back. Pulled muscle? Docs agree. Chiropractor declares 6 weeks of adjustments are called for. Maybe not the answer. Doc wants tests, xrays, bone scans, lab work, catscans. God cries alittle here, I think...Lung cancer that has spread to the bones. Spine, hip, femur, breast bone and collar bone. We wait while the biopsy is being examined, and wait, and wait. Of course, I have to do some research. Never do research. There is NOTHING good about this. But God has smiled at us again, the cancer is adencarcinoma, a common type usually treatable with good results. No cure, but time. Chemo therapy begins next week and Stephen King has decided he will breeze thru it and carry on with his plans. I cannot take that optimistism away from him by repeating horror stories of chemo I have always heard. Attitude and faith will see us thru this. We will lean on each other as always. Throughout our 45 years together, it has been us against the world. From two kids falling in love against everyone's advice to retired geezers having God laugh at our plans, we are together, hand in hand. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, we learned this so many lessons ago. We are still here. And God is still smiling at us.
Stephen King wants us to keep our life normal, no moping around, no hidden tears, no whispered secrets. And so we are. I had dinner last night at the Winery with my Spring Break girls and he took a long walk with Hank the dog and Ian the 3rd son. We both had a wonderful time. The boys and their families were here tonight Trick or Treating and having soup and cupcakes. When Courtney gets here on Monday, we will do the same things we always do when she visits. The treatments will just be worked in around our planned activities. Sunday we will have our big party for Stephen King and Trent, who missed being born on his dad's birthday by 4 hours. Christmas shopping, Thanksgiving, staying with my mom will all go on as usual. He is cllingthe shots and we will go along as long as we must.
As for me, I'm still numb. My friend who saw her son thru lynmphoma, tells me to stay numb. I know I should be experiencing something else, something profound, painful, scary. But not yet. I check every morning, asking myself, "Is it here yet? That overwhelming feeling of helplessness". But it isn't. I know it will come. I know it has to come. But not now, God must not be ready for it yet. I know I'm not.
Talk to me, Ladies. Love, Hedy