RANDOM THOUGHTS

THESE DAYS A THOUGHT LASTS ABOUT 3 SECONDS IN MY HEAD BEFORE SEEKING FREEDOM OUTSIDE. I CANNOT CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING, THOUGHTS SWIRL AS IF MY BRAIN IS EQUIPPED WITH A BLENDER. THE MUSHY GOOP POURS FROM MY MOUTH, PEOPLE STARE, STUDENTS GIGGLE, I LAUGH AT MYSELF. I PRAY THIS STOPS WITH RETIREMENT! I PRAY I WILL SOON BE NORMAL AGAIN. I PRAY I HAVEN'T WAITED TOO LONG TO RETIRE.  I PRAY THE DAMAGE ISN'T PERMANENT. hehehehe
I FEEL THAT THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE FOURTH PART OF MY ADULT LIFE; I'VE BEEN A CHILD AT HOME WITH MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS, I'VE BEEN A STAY-AT-HOME MOM, I'VE BEEN A NON-TRADIONAL STUDENT AND PROFESSIONAL WITH A CAREER AND NOW...I'M GOING TO BE HOME ALONE WITH STEPHEN KING FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS 18 YEARS OLD. JUST THE TWO OF US, LIKE NEWLY-WEDS IN OUR 60S. SOMETHING TELLS ME IT WON'T BE EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE FIRST TIME. WE WILL BE MARRIED 45 YEARS THIS DECEMBER. IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT STATEMENT, EVEN AS I WRITE IT. IN MY HEART I FEEL SO MUCH LOVE FOR HIM, JUST LIKE THEN. ONLY DIFFERENT. BACK THEN I COULD NOT HAVE IMAGINED HOW CARING HE WOULD BE, OR HOW MUCH RESPECT I WOULD HAVE FOR HIM AFTER A LIFETIME TOGETHER. I COULDN'T FORESEE THE JOY OUR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS WOULD BRING HIM OR HOW MUCH TENDERNESS HE WOULD SHOW MY AILING MOM.
I'M HOPING THAT WE CAN LIVE MORE SIMPLY NOW. I WANT TO "GO TO HOUSEKEEPING" AGAIN. IT BROUGHT SUCH JOY TO BE A GOOD HOUSEKEEPER BACK IN THE DAY. ROUTINE CHORES KEEP ONE SANE, I THINK. GOOD MEALS, LAUNDERED CLOTHES AND A CLEAN HOUSE CREATE A SAFE, WARM HOME FROM WHICH TO FACE THE WORLD. I HAVEN'T FALLEN TO FILTHY YET, BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN INVOLVED WITH MY HOME FOR YEARS. I KEEP THE WORST OUT AND MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW CLEANS ONCE A MONTH. I WANT TO DEEP CLEAN AND REARRANGE FURNITURE AND HANG NEW CURTAINS. I WANT TO BAKE BREAD, CAN VEGETABLES AND GROW FLOWERS. I WANT TO PIECE A QUILT AND FINISH IT IN THE SAME YEAR. WILL I? THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN. I MAY BE A SLACKER AND FEED HIM CEREAL AND BECOME A HOARDER. BUT I DON'T THINK SO!
MY GIRLS FROM SCHOOL HAD A SURPRISE PARTY FOR ME AT THE COUNTRY CLUB THIS WEEK. I WAS SO TOUCHED BY THEIR EFFORT. I LOVE THE CLUB HOUSE. IT IS AN OLD PLACE FILLED WITH CHARACTER, HIGH CEILINGS, WONDERFUL WOODWORK,  BEAUTIFUL SCENERY AND WE ATE ON THE COVERED PORCH!!! MY FAVORITE PLACE IN FRENCH LICK. THIS GROUP OF LADIES IS PARTIULARLY SPECIAL TO ME; SOME WERE THERE WHEN I STARTED WORK, SOME I'VE KNOW SINCE WE WERE YOUNG MOMS TOGETHER, BUT MOST ARE "MY GIRLS". LOVELY LADIES HIRED ESPECIALLY FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL, YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY DAUGHTERS AND WE HAVE SHARED ENOUGH OVER THE YEARS TO BE FAMILY. THESE ARE THE ONES I WILL MISS EVERYDAY WITH RETIREMENT. STACY - I KNEW BEFORE SHE WAS BORN! AND HER'S WAS THE FIRST CLASS I WORKED WITH AT VALLEY, I HIRED HER TO RUN THE SUMMER PROGRAM WHEN SHE WAS IN COLLEGE, HER THREE KIDS ARE LIKE MY GRANDCHILDREN, AND NOW SHE'S MY BOSS! JESSIE, KRISTINA, TERESA, KARI ARE IN AND OUT OF MY OFFICE CONSTANTLY THROUGHOUT THE DAY, AS I AM IN THEIR CLASSROOMS. RITA AND HOPE, MY SISTERS IN LIFE. THE UPS AND DOWNS, JOYS AND TEARS WE HAVE SHARED ARE UNENDING. BRENDA AND CHARLA WERE MY RIGHT HAND FOR YEARS, SAVING MY BUTT ON SO MANY OCCASIONS. KNOWING WHEN TO OPEN WINDOWS FOR MY 10:00 HOT FLASH, MANAGING MY UNMANAGABLE COMPUTER NEEDS AND A SCHEDULE FROM HELL. JILL, MY OTHER SON'S WIFE AND MY  DEAR FRIEND. SHE IS THE MOTHER TO MY SPECIAL KIDS AT SCHOOL AND TO TWO MIRACLES OF LIFE AT HOME. THIS FAMILY MEANS MORE TO ME THAN I CAN EXPRESS. AND CONNIE, MY SOUL SISTER, THELMA TO MY LOUISE! WE HAVE SHARED MORE OF EACH OTHERS LIVES THESE PAST 19 YEARS THAN I SHARED WITH ANYONE. SHE HAS TAUGHT ME SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF; HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE, HOW TO SEE WITHOUT ROSE-COLORED GLASSES, AND HOW TO MANAGE SURVIVAL WITH DIGNITY. I WILL CONTINUE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL OF THEM, BUT I KNOW IT WILL NOT BE THE SAME. WE AREN'T GOING TO HAVE THE DAY-TO-DAY SUPPORT, THE CRAZY, SHARED ADVENTURES OF  EDUCATION IN INDIANA, THE DAILY WORDLESS EXCHANGES WHICH HAVE TIED US SO CLOSELY TOGETHER. I WILL MISS PAINFULLY MISS THEM ALL.
BUT WHAT I WILL BE GAINING IN EXCHANGE IS A BLESSING. I WILL BE AT HOME! I WILL HAVE TIME WITH MY MOM AND MY SISTER, MY FAMILY AND STEPHEN KING. I HAVE BEEN MISSING FROM THEIR LIVES FOR YEARS, I KNOW. I WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING THE OLDEST DAUGHTER, THE BIG SISTER, THE G-MA AND THE WIFE. I WANT TO FLY TO OZ AND WITNESS MY DAUGHTER'S NEW LIFE.
IMAGINE LADIES, I'VE BEEN GIVEN A CHANCE TO HAVE IT ALL AND IT'S ALL GOOD! ALL THE TIME.  TALK TO ME, LOVE